Blog #7

ORIGINAL:

What would this world be like without art? I imagine a boring, uneventful, dreary, colorless, and unjoyful society. I envision people walking around looking grey and glum and not having the energy to get through life. How could we have life without it? Art is interpreted in different ways based on the mindset and experiences of different people. Southan explains the interpretations of the effective altruism group which differ from the interpretations that the composer, Zander, expresses in his Ted Talk. The EA group says that, “Artists paint the beautiful landscapes in front of them while the world burns around them”. Effective Altruists’ view artists as selfish whereas Artists see their work as transformational. After reading Southan’s ,”Is Art a Waste of Time?”, as well as a Ted Talk featuring Benjamin Zander, I consider art an indulgence that the world should not take for granted.

As Peter Singer expressed in his essay titled, “Famine, Affluence, and Morality”, the world is analogous to a pond. He proposed the thought of if people were to see a child drowning in a pond, would they jump in to save her? Would they ruin their own clothes to save her life? He compared it to our world when stating that there are many people who are in poverty or are struggling to stay afloat, but the world for some reason is neglecting to help.

REVISED:

A boring, uneventful, dreary, colorless, and unjoyful society is what I imagine the world would be without the presence of art. I envision people walking around looking grey and glum and not having the energy to get through life. How could we have life without it? Art is interpreted in different ways based on the mindset and experiences of different people. Southan explains the interpretations of the effective altruism group which differ from the interpretations that the composer, Benjamin Zander, expresses in his Ted Talk. The Effective Altruists’ view artists as selfish whereas artists see their work as transformational. Masterpieces are made to have viewers in awe. Even the slightest appearance of the craftsmanship put together by an extraordinary human being can transform the viewer. The quietest tune of a listeners’ favorite anthem can change the whole attitude and outlook a person has on life. After considering the hard-work, creativity, connections, and sense of community that art brings to the world, I consider art an indulgence that the world should not take for granted.

As Peter Singer expressed in his essay titled, “Famine, Affluence, and Morality”, the world is analogous to a pond. He proposed the thought that if people were to see a child drowning in a pond, would they jump in to save her? Would they ruin their own clothes to save her life? He compared it to our world when stating that there are many people who are in poverty or are struggling to stay afloat, but the world for some reason is neglecting to help. Personally, I would jump in to save the girl in need. As her life was in danger and I had the capabilities to help, I would ruin my clothes for her. Even though I didn’t particularly drown her, I would still save the child to my capabilities. For some, it may take every cent they earn to pay the bills. Other workers may have the ability to help at a higher extent, but not everyone can.

STRATEGIES:

In the first revised paragraph, I changed my hook to be more descriptive as opposed to opening with a question. I then changed my flow of paragraphs by taking out the repetition of the words art and music. I changed them to words such as masterpieces, craftsmanship, tune, and anthem. I also updated my thesis to state the implications of the argument of my essay to become a more narrow scope as opposed to being so broad.

In the second paragraph, I edited it to integrate my opinion more into the paragraph instead of just stating the opinions of others. I also added my own opinion by narrating what I would do in the situation described. Overall it benefitted my essay to be more detailed and a stronger, more concise argument.