Month: October 2018

I chose to read Chapter 8 which talks about connecting the parts of essays. This chapter explains that the four steps for “connecting the parts” of your essay to make it most successful is to: 1) using transition words 2) adding pointing terms 3) developing a set of key terms and phrases for each text you write and 4) repeating yourself but with differences.

1. Using transition words: Transition words connect sentences together as well as marking the kind of connection you are trying to make. Examples are: “in addition”, “in other words”, “for example”, “as a result”. Transitions are easy to over use. They should be used in the background of a text where the reader hardly notices. They are not meant to stick out, they are meant to smoothly lead into the next sentence.
2. Adding pointing terms: Pointing words are meant to imply, point to, or refer backward to a concept in the previous sentence. Examples are: “this”, “that”, “these”, “those”, “theirs” as well as simple pronouns like, “his”, “he”, “her”, “she”. These words grab the readers attention and pull them along in the reading.
3. Repeat key terms and phrases: Repeating key terms through an article can create a solid sense of the topic being described. Examples are: synonyms or antonyms. USeful for creating titles and brainstorming claim sentences. 
4. Repeating yourself but with differences: This technique is to reiterate an idea but in different words to offer a better explanation of the topic. Avoids the effect of being monotone while connecting the explanation to the next topic.

Following these techniques help to create a successful essay by connecting your ideas effectively.

With art constantly impacting science, it is important that the two coexist in the world we live in today. They can have a mutual relationship where they both benefit from each other. Science can help art and art can help science. According to Yo-Yo Ma, Art inspires, “collaboration, flexible thinking, and disciplined imagination- lead[ing] to the capacity to innovate”(Ma 258). When art is integrated into the STEM program, it can cause new people to work together as well as enhance thinking and imaginative ideas. Mark Boslough’s ideas explain that “science is now under attack by a budget-cutting Congress to whom dollars have measurable value, but scientific knowledge does not”(Boslough 3). If Congress cannot give enough funding to the sciences, it will equally affect both science and art to their expense. Art will not have the science to back it up and scientific knowledge will not be passed on if there is not a budget to test it or the collaboration, flexible thinking, and imagination. One simply should value both art and science so they can coexist and mutually benefit together.

After considering the thoughts of Yo-Yo Ma, I think that the STEM program should continue to be carried out without the presence of art involved. Many artists would object exclaiming that art is important in the aspect of empathy, imagination, and equilibrium, but art should be left in its own category. Art is its own creation and is not related to the aspect of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math.  I feel that creativity and the aspect of imagination in math does not match and would not be well integrated with the reasoning behind the STEM program. Art has the quality of freedom to express yourself whereas STEM has more distinctive reasoning and specific way to complete the requirements, which art does not follow. Although some may think it creates an equilibrium in humans, I personally think that you are either have a STEM mind or an Art mind. Not both.

1. Yo-Yo Ma wrote the essay titled, “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education” and was first posted on the “World Post”.  I noticed that he is a very educated man. He attended both Julliard and Harvard University as well as a very experienced musician and writing starting at a very young age. I find him to be impressive considering his knowledge.
2. Ma’s imposed context is that art is a value in the world and could benefit everyone when used more. Through my personal reading experience, this article reaffirmed my opinion that art is necessary in the world. To me personally, I gathered from this essay that it is important to find an equilibrium in life. To be balanced in all aspects of life and to consider other aspects. The purpose of this essay was for Yo-Yo Ma to inform the audience of his thoughts on art and music’s impact on the world and creating an equilibrium between art and the math and sciences.
3. The rhetorical situation was the “necessary edges”. The essay exemplifies that you need the necessary edges to have a core equilibrium.  The scope is the entire world. Everyone can benefit from evolving and changing the traditions taken by other cultures. The equilibrium is the evolution of a certain song or dance taken from a prior culture.

Three Unfamiliar Words:

1. Compartments: a separate section of a structure or container in which certain items can be kept separate from others. Ma uses this to describe the word separating into separate sections.
2. Weary: feeling or showing tiredness, especially as a result of excessive exertion or lack of sleep. Ma uses this to describe our civilization as run down in the text.
3. Innovate: make changes in something established, especially by introducing new methods, ideas, or products. Ma describes art as a factor inspiring to us to innovate or make new changes.

Before:

1. According to Zander, art can “make people do things, change things, and build things.”
2. They compare any time not spend helping, “is like having a leisurely nap beside a lake where thousands of children are screaming for our help.”

After:

1. Zander himself states that art can “make people do things, change things, and build things.”
2. In Peter Singer’s view, any time not spent helping, “is like having a leisurely nap beside a lake where thousands of children are screaming for our help.”

ORIGINAL:

What would this world be like without art? I imagine a boring, uneventful, dreary, colorless, and unjoyful society. I envision people walking around looking grey and glum and not having the energy to get through life. How could we have life without it? Art is interpreted in different ways based on the mindset and experiences of different people. Southan explains the interpretations of the effective altruism group which differ from the interpretations that the composer, Zander, expresses in his Ted Talk. The EA group says that, “Artists paint the beautiful landscapes in front of them while the world burns around them”. Effective Altruists’ view artists as selfish whereas Artists see their work as transformational. After reading Southan’s ,”Is Art a Waste of Time?”, as well as a Ted Talk featuring Benjamin Zander, I consider art an indulgence that the world should not take for granted.

As Peter Singer expressed in his essay titled, “Famine, Affluence, and Morality”, the world is analogous to a pond. He proposed the thought of if people were to see a child drowning in a pond, would they jump in to save her? Would they ruin their own clothes to save her life? He compared it to our world when stating that there are many people who are in poverty or are struggling to stay afloat, but the world for some reason is neglecting to help.

REVISED:

A boring, uneventful, dreary, colorless, and unjoyful society is what I imagine the world would be without the presence of art. I envision people walking around looking grey and glum and not having the energy to get through life. How could we have life without it? Art is interpreted in different ways based on the mindset and experiences of different people. Southan explains the interpretations of the effective altruism group which differ from the interpretations that the composer, Benjamin Zander, expresses in his Ted Talk. The Effective Altruists’ view artists as selfish whereas artists see their work as transformational. Masterpieces are made to have viewers in awe. Even the slightest appearance of the craftsmanship put together by an extraordinary human being can transform the viewer. The quietest tune of a listeners’ favorite anthem can change the whole attitude and outlook a person has on life. After considering the hard-work, creativity, connections, and sense of community that art brings to the world, I consider art an indulgence that the world should not take for granted.

As Peter Singer expressed in his essay titled, “Famine, Affluence, and Morality”, the world is analogous to a pond. He proposed the thought that if people were to see a child drowning in a pond, would they jump in to save her? Would they ruin their own clothes to save her life? He compared it to our world when stating that there are many people who are in poverty or are struggling to stay afloat, but the world for some reason is neglecting to help. Personally, I would jump in to save the girl in need. As her life was in danger and I had the capabilities to help, I would ruin my clothes for her. Even though I didn’t particularly drown her, I would still save the child to my capabilities. For some, it may take every cent they earn to pay the bills. Other workers may have the ability to help at a higher extent, but not everyone can.

STRATEGIES:

In the first revised paragraph, I changed my hook to be more descriptive as opposed to opening with a question. I then changed my flow of paragraphs by taking out the repetition of the words art and music. I changed them to words such as masterpieces, craftsmanship, tune, and anthem. I also updated my thesis to state the implications of the argument of my essay to become a more narrow scope as opposed to being so broad.

In the second paragraph, I edited it to integrate my opinion more into the paragraph instead of just stating the opinions of others. I also added my own opinion by narrating what I would do in the situation described. Overall it benefitted my essay to be more detailed and a stronger, more concise argument.