After considering the thoughts of Yo-Yo Ma, I think that the STEM program should continue to be carried out without the presence of art involved. Many artists would object exclaiming that art is important in the aspect of empathy, imagination, and equilibrium, but art should be left in its own category. Art is its own creation and is not related to the aspect of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. I feel that creativity and the aspect of imagination in math does not match and would not be well integrated with the reasoning behind the STEM program. Art has the quality of freedom to express yourself whereas STEM has more distinctive reasoning and specific way to complete the requirements, which art does not follow. Although some may think it creates an equilibrium in humans, I personally think that you are either have a STEM mind or an Art mind. Not both.
I love how you closed your paragraph with the fact that you wither have an “art mind” or a “STEM mind”. I really like how you worded this and it closes everything really well.
I really liked how you started this however I would have used a direct quote to Yo-Yo Ma and elaborated it more into your paragraph. Perhaps also go a bit more in depth about the “STEM mind” and “Art mind”.
I thought you had a really great argument! It was pretty well developed and you integrated many aspects of the essay. I think one thing that would’ve strengthened your essay is if you used a quote from Yo Yo Ma’s essay! Other than that it was a great paragraph!